


one leg in front the other

by jayhood



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: (I hope), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Dealing with depression and self-hatred, Ending on a hopeful note, Gen, Jason doesn't die, Jason runs away, POV Second Person, Self-Worth Issues, money problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24813469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayhood/pseuds/jayhood
Summary: Jason runs away from Bruce after he's benched. It's not a smooth ride.
Kudos: 28





	one leg in front the other

The worst part of it is hunger.

When you lived with Bruce - hell, even when you lived with Willis and Catherine - you never went hungry. And now you are. It’s not that it’s so dire you’re dying from hunger. No, you’re just feeling shitty, the sharp pangs in the stomach irritating and distracting, and doing something to get food sometimes is more than you can handle.

It’s not the worst part. You had been used to it before. Now, the worst part is the feeling of failure. It was okay to sometimes go without food when you’re thirteen and living on the streets. Not much you can do at thirteen. When you’re sixteen, it’s shameful. You’re a man, you’re independent, you’re just also a loser that can’t meet your basic needs. If you’ve only been stronger, or smarter…

Like, you read about a boy who became a CEO at his age? Another, an acclaimed writer? A girl who is an inventor. Teenagers in bands and TV shows, they all have money too, and their own, not their parents’. Hell, even guys from work, they get basically the same wage as you but they must be better with managing money if they don’t keep almost fainting when they get up too fast.

You probably should figure out some kind of kitchen set up, save up for a fridge too - then you could make soups and meals that last for a week. Instead, you have shitty noodles in a cup and hot dogs bought on the corner and dry cereal. Only food like this costs more than if you buy in bulk and cook and freeze the rest. So, saving up at least a couple of hundreds? When you in fact spend the last week of every month without money at all? Yeah, you wish.

And the thing that kills you the most, if you didn’t leave Bruce, you wouldn’t worry about this now, or about how ten years from now you probably will be in a more or less same situation. Though, if you did stay, you probably wouldn’t be alive in ten years anyway.

In a way, living one day at a time, living on your own, living only for yourself, is easier. It makes you a shitty person, you know it, okay? You turned your back on people who can’t help themselves. You hoped you would figure your shit out, and go back to it. But you suck at being adult, and there is too much stuff to deal, and you can’t deal, you can’t do anything, you can’t do anything right, should have sucked it up, should have stayed, should have di…

No, this train of thought stops right here and now. You won’t believe it now - you still say it anyway, because you need to hear it, because it has to become true one day. You did your best. You’re doing your best. You will continue to do your best. You wouldn’t ask more of anyone else. You don’t have a right to ask more of yourself, too.

You will get there. Just keep yourself alive in the meantime.

**Author's Note:**

> Just keep going guys. One leg in front of the other.


End file.
